You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
