Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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