My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize