porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
