I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
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