my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I think I just sharted jello shots
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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