How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I think people are normalizing furries
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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