i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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