My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
