I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
