Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
