I'm drive I can fine osifer
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
