so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
