I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
