i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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