these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
