the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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