I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
