a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
