And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
