do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
