Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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