i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
