$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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