hotel room ftw
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
