First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize