drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
