My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
