apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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