Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
