so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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