i don't like sucking hair
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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