please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
