she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
