the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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