She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
