More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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