The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Randomize
