Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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