Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
