There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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