3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Nicole vs. Life
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
