dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
