i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
