Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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