Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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