new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize