It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Randomize
