i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
