What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
