Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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