they need to just BURY HIM!
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
