margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
