ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
