Just fell off a train. Bad.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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