he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
