I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
