I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i love accidental penises.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
