I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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