all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize