Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
