just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I just cut my nipple shaving
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
