2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
