I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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