Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
